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Thursday, 24 June 2010

art journal - self portrait


self portrait - the art of knowing self

my first strokes of brush to warm my fingers. it's a start. i dropped my brush and caused a blotch, which i covered up with a heart, i think it's kinda cute. i am all about lovingkindness anyways :)

i learned in mondo beyondo that being vulnerable can be a strength, being vulnerable can be liberating, i am free to be me, because i am living my authentic self. no more hiding. and this is what i am learning every.single.day.

it has been a whirlwind of transition time for me, the energy keep changing and i am feeling it so intensely these days. it can be challenging at times, the pain and aches that come and go, the emptiness, being un-grounded feeling, the exhaustion! sometimes i wonder how much more can i take?

i have stoped asking "why me?" a very long time ago, i learn to trust that all is in order, even though i may not know what that "order" might be. it's just something that you know deep within, that all will be fine, is that what they call faith? i don't know.

i don't know a lot of things, of why things are as they are, why people behave how they behave, why things fall apart, why certain things seem just unimaginable. i figured that's not my job to know. my job is to just breathe one moment at a time. when i get to my next breath, i am good.

over at jen lemen's blog, i left a comment on her post on following your heart, this is what my heart tells me right now.

my heart tells me “it’s ok not to know”, not to know what lies ahead, not to know what i am “suppose” to be doing, or that question that everybody seems to be asking, “what is my life purpose?” right now my heart tells me it’s ok to just be, do what my heart tells me one moment at a time, if i feel like painting, i paint, if i feel like giving my cat a bath, i do that. that’s how i am living, in the now-ness, and i think that’s ok for me right now.

i have been reading, listening to teachers sharing their knowledge, and specifically on "purpose", i get a lot of different views on this, some say you got to find your purpose, some say you don't really need to know what's your purpose. my perspective at this point of time; they are all right, depending on where you are in your spiritual transition. at some point it is fitting to know what you are to do in life, and yet at a certain part in your life's journey it's ok to not know and surrender to the bigger creation that we are in. there is no right or wrong in what anyone says about "purpose". it is what our hearts tells us to do. to live authentically as "us" as possible. we may never know how we impacted the big whole, but every breath that we take and every action that we make does a whole lot of difference. that much i know.

so, right here, right now, my purpose is to breathe. to be in the now :)

7 comments:

  1. Nice drawing.. Let's draw a happy you next time, I love your smiles ;)

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  2. I've missed quite a lot of your posts..I love the rock paintings..I've read about someone doing it before in magazines..I wish I have the talent. And this self-portrait of you is beautiful too..

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  3. janet: thanks, i'll try. you know what? i miss a good laugh, the one where you laugh till you get tummy ache and tears come streaming down that kind of laugh.

    hliza: hi liza, thanks. i am just messing around, i like playing with colours!

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  4. Yeah, I miss that too! But I can make Roy laugh like that, hehe :D

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  5. i love your art! that painting is perfectly precious. the colors are great, too.

    your words are so true and comforting. i really found comfort in the part about what your job is--to just take one breath at a time, to just be in the moment and trust in the moment.
    thanks for this.
    xo
    amy

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  6. amy: thank you for your comment, makes my day :)

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  7. Oh, so pretty!! I luv' this, Ali!! :p

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